Finally, Moving On

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Hello Back.

I have kept this blog dormant for quite a while now, which I really feel lousy about. Luckily for me, it has been for all the right reasons. My life has changed considerably and kept me very busy.

After bringing a shitty contract with an abusive employer to a necessary end and having worked three jobs at the time throughout the month of June to bridge the gap, I am now very content with my new placement. Knock on wood, may it continue to go as well as it has begun.

Another source of stress is the disappearance of three of our pets, probably at the hands of a sociopath neighbor who had actually menaced us with “doing something” to them. We would love to denounce him, but unfortunately we have neither proof nor witnesses other than ourselves. Not knowing what happened to your little friends, nor where they are and how they are doing, weighs heavily on the heart. So does the inability to do anything about it.

Close friends have moved out of the country, but I hope to keep up contact with them – after all, this is the age of the internet! Hopefully, my partner and I will be able to visit them at some point. I do miss them.

I have even “survived” a reunion with close relatives without the feared psychological breakdown and without seeing anyone, including myself, resort to the dysfunctional patterns of behavior that have spoiled family meetings in the past.

My beautiful partner has supported me through all the changes and his part in everything having come out so positively is major.

I still have nasty nightmares on most nights. It had become better for a while, but they have returned. My subconscious keeps bringing up topics it wants to process and apparently fails at it, making another attempt the next night, and so on. In spite of this, I seem to get enough rest. I am productive at work and creative in my spare time, and enjoying both. My cognitive performance and concentration levels are fine.

A big setback, though, is that I am pretty much back to my original weight. It’s not like I have been binge-eating or anything. It has just come back on. Seven pounds lost, seven pounds gained. At least I am not heavier than I used to be. Still, I am frustrated at how I look. I have always had issues with certain body parts, as most people do, but these weak spots seem especially annoying now that I am not in my best possible shape. Back to square one! I’ll have to devise a good workout-plan.

Since my last post, I have not made any new modifications to my medication regimen. I decided that too much was going on to risk any additional instability. Today I’ve begun to lower my Sertraline dose. I have been taking 100 mg in the mornings for a few months, which is 30% less than the original dose. My next aim is to go down to 75 mg, which would be half of the original amount. Once this is achieved, I will follow up with the Quetiapine. I am confident it will work out. However, my partner will have a watchful eye on me and tell me if I act even weirder than I normally do.

I’ll be in touch.

Felicia

 

 

How It’s Going – Completion of Phase One

Yesterday night was, hopefully, the last time I ever took the old dose of Quetiapine, 300 mg. So from today onward I will be taking 250 mg of Quetiapine at night and 125 mg of Sertraline in the morning. If you have a look at my dose reduction plan, you will see that I originally planned to stay in this place for a while. However, as I have had no withdrawal symptoms or other adverse reactions to the dose reduction so far, I feel I should move on to the next dose reduction sooner. Thus, I shall begin lowering the Sertraline dose further next week, in the same way I have already done it once. This modification is to be followed by another dose reduction of the Quetiapine. My next aim is to reach a plateau phase with 200 mg of Quetiapine and 100 mg of Sertraline. This corresponds to a 30% reduction of the original dosages, which I find to be quite a significant change. Once I get there, I still plan to remain there for at least a few months.

The question now is whether I have noticed any changes so far. As for negative ones, luckily not! On the positive side, I do feel slightly more alert in the sense that I make faster decisions, seem to have an improved concentration and feel more open towards learning new things. A lot of this, admittedly, has to do with my recent changes in lifestyle and the accompanying shifts in priorities. Logically, I have some restructuring and decluttering to do. Nonetheless, I feel that I am mentally and emotionally better disposed to pull through with these reconfigurations. Lowering the dose of my medications may be contributing to that.

Physically, there have been slight improvements as well, although these most likely have to be attributed to factors other than medication withdrawal. My weight has been going down very gradually, which is probably mostly a consequence of my doing daily yoga routines and eating a low-carb diet complemented with veggie shakes. I have a very sweet tooth, but lately I have managed to steer clear of too much self-indulgence in this area. My partner and I have agreed we can be naughty – in culinary terms – every once in a while on special occasions, but certainly not on a daily or even weekly basis. Our naughtiness in other areas seems to be improving. Our relationship is thriving, yet it is impossible for me to say whether lower medication doses have anything to do with that. I suppose, and hope, that we are simply doing things right.

Lately, my sleep is less plagued by nightmares. I used to have them every night, and they were intense enough to have me wake up screaming every so often. Since I have moved in with my man, this has not happened again, although most of my dreams are still weird and unsettling. They very evidently deal with traumatic experiences as well as the fears and conflicts derived from those. As a result, my dreams are quite repetitive in topic, which makes me assume I have a considerable quantity of psychological knots to untie if I want to get rid of them. Several sources on psychiatric drug withdrawal explain that as you lower doses, emotions and thoughts may resurface that had been lingering under the surface of your drug induced stability. To me, that makes perfect sense, as the drugs do seem to suspend you from hammering away desperately at your worst conflicts. So, as a consequence of medication withdrawal, I expect some serious processing and coping challenges to lie before me. At this point in time, such challenges have not occurred to an extent that would make me consider seeing a psychotherapist. My partner is a great source of support, encouragement, comprehension and love. The list of his wonderful characteristics could go on and on. My close friends are caring and sincere. In other words, I have a support network that wants for nothing. Thanks so much for that!

All in all, I am happy about how everything is going. My initial fear of lowering medication doses has receded. I am still very careful and slightly apprehensive about the process, but so far I have felt motivated to think that as long as I proceed in a sensible way, I should be able to minimize risks. I am glad I have started this process.

Some Words on: Weight Gain on Psychoactive Medication

It is, very sadly, true. Using psychiatric medication often leads to substantial and rapid weight gain. When I was first put on an antipsychotic, which was Olanzapine (Zyprexa), I gained over thirty pounds in a matter of just a few months. After switching to Quetiapine (Seroquel), my weight stopped going up, and through a healthier diet I even managed to shed some of it, but I never went back to what used to be my normal weight. Now, I am constantly teetering on the edge of overweight. My BMI (Body mass Index) oscillates between 24.9 (which is borderline acceptable) and 25.1 (overweight). In addition to the weight, my entire body texture seems to have changed. Even without regular exercise, I used to be athletic and lean by nature. Now, I have cellulitis bumps on different parts of my body and look slightly out of shape. The only good thing about being fuller is that also my boobs have grown by one cup size. I’ve gone from A to B. This is not to say that you should try psychoactive drugs as a measure of breast enlargement. Absolutely don’t do it! Fact is, these medications mess with your metabolism on top of potentially messing with your mind and with all sorts of biological functions. So no games, please! Every now and then, marketing of psychiatric drugs includes enthusiastic statements like “does not cause weight gain” (the atypical antipsychotic Aripiprazole, aka Abilify, for example), which are to increase their attractiveness among the target group. This, more than anything, shows how common weight gain is as a side effect of these substances.

But what if you are already there? Is there any way of losing the pounds? First of all, it is important to remember that diets and exercise regimes which work fine on people who do not use psychiatric drugs, won’t be as efficient on someone who does. Weight loss will likely be slow and unspectacular. It is not impossible, but it is harder to achieve. Still, you should not feel discouraged. Both a healthy diet and regular workouts will boost your overall health and help you stabilize your mood. In fact, exercise has been found to be highly effective against depression. Also, physical activity offers a great opportunity for leaving the isolation of your four walls, getting among people, breathing some invigorating fresh air and catching lovely sunlight for some extra vitamin D. If sports and healthy eating habits fail to lower your BMI in a direct way, they can still contribute to it by making you less in need of medication. Both are, in any case, worth the effort.

If you decide to diet, do it responsibly. Please do not embark on a starvation course. Your body and mind need their nutrients, especially when your health is already compromised. Put together a balanced nutrition plan rich in fresh vegetables, fiber, “good” fats (red fish, avocado, nuts, etc.), protein and fruit. Avoid processed foods, refined sugars and carbs, sodium laden snacks and in general anything that reeks of junk food. Also, abstain from artificial sweeteners, preservatives or colorants. If you are on psychiatric medication, you are already consuming potent and potentially dangerous chemicals. Try not to add even more through your food.  As a rule of thumb, note that the less processed – or the more natural – a food is, the better. As for drinks: have no sodas; just water, teas and smoothies without added sugar. It is not necessary to take radical measures like turning vegan or saying goodbye to dairy products. If you associate the concept of healthy eating with a bunch of barefoot, skinny tree-huggers gnawing on raw carrots and celery, then you will need to reeducate yourself. Healthy eating means experiencing real food with real flavors made of real ingredients. Subsisting mainly on junk food is neither cool, nor manly, nor useful. Knowing what it can do to you, it is plain stupid and a waste of money, time and life. For those who sustain that “Junk food is so much cheaper”: Buying sodas and fries may save you a dollar in the moment, but an extra expense for whole foods can save you hundreds, if not thousands of dollars in medical treatment and work incapacity in the long run. I am not saying you should never set foot in a fast food restaurant again. I myself do it on rare occasions, and when I am at a party where a decadent buffet is winking at me… what the heck, I am at a party! So, be naughty every once in a while, but never let highly processed foods become a staple in your diet.

Nowadays, most foods are, first and foremost, designed to please our taste buds. The real purpose of food, which is to provide nutrition, is presented as a collateral benefit by the food industry. Creaminess, fluffiness, sweetness, crunchiness – all these are prioritized over nutritious value in food marketing. Most often, the “healthy”-tag is just another means of selling you virtual garbage as nutrition. Milk chocolate contains milk, which contains calcium, which is good for you. So, chocolate bars are healthy, eat as many as you like! Having been exposed to this type of discourses since childhood, many consumers have never developed a clear idea about what food actually is. They would never expect their car to run on soap water, but they do expect their own bodies and minds to run on meals and snacks devoid of nutrients. In other words, they eat things that are, in fact, not food at all. Popular wisdom such as “sugar is energy” or “if I feel full, then I have given my body what it needs” is completely misleading. You can feel stuffed after having eaten a shoe sole. Yet, your organism will get nothing out of it. You can fill a car tank with soap water – until it spills over, actually! It will no doubt be full, yet the car won’t run.

Nobody knows exactly how much damage our trashy diet is doing to us. We are likely to have seen barely the tip of the iceberg so far. Probably, more physical ailments, mental conditions and cognitive disabilities are a result of intoxication and deficiencies induced by our diet than we can fathom at this moment in time. Mainstream eating habits and ruthless food marketing have created a paradoxical scenario. People who consume processed foods can be morbidly obese and still malnourished. You can eat monstrous amounts of calories and still be dangerously deficient on nutrients. Many diets out there are just as much of a health threat as our trashy eating habits. Dieting is often misunderstood as selective starvation. The idea behind it is that achieving a lower weight will supposedly make you healthier. Every new issue of any women’s magazine will promote another grotesque diet, and each time it is advertised as finally being the real thing to get you into lollypop-shape in no time. Having only apple cider vinegar with chili powder for two weeks in a row while keeping your habitual level of activity should definitely make you lose a few pounds. But will it make you healthier? And remember, you are (likely) not a celebrity! You have no millions to spend on personal nutritionists, private doctors and plastic surgeons to patch you back up again. Celebrity diets can be survived only by celebrities.

So, masochistic dieting will not result in a healthy weight, but only being healthy will. In other words, the first thing you want to do is establish optimum health. You need to get rid of toxins, balance your hormones and provide your organism with the necessary nutrients. Reformulate your eating habits into a plan that leaves out damaging food products and embraces whole foods. And don’t worry: whole foods are at least as delicious as processed and prepared food. You will be astonished at the mind boggling variety in flavors, textures and colors nature offers you. No junk food can ever keep up with that.

If you are using psychiatric drugs, in addition to following a healthy diet you will need to make an extra effort in detoxing your metabolism and achieving hormonal balance. Very likely, your liver is working overtime to process the substances you are using. Give it a hand by consuming liver-cleansing foods and drinks. Mostly, that is going to be certain vegetables and teas. Cruciferous, slightly bitter veggies such as broccoli, kale, Brussels sprouts and cauliflower should be staples for you. In fact, cauliflower is incredibly multifaceted. It can be made into low-carb pizza dough, lasagna, hash browns and many other delicious dishes. Another advantage of vegetables is that you can practically eat as much as you like of them without putting your health at risk. Which other food allows for that? So, enjoy your greens! As for drinks, you can have freshly pressed lemon juice mixed with pure water, veggie smoothies and organic green tea. Many websites will also promote grapefruit juice as liver-cleansing, which is correct. However, remember that grapefruit can interact with your medication, so please abstain from consuming it in any form. There are more than enough safe options for you out there. For further inspiration, you can also browse health food stores for liver-cleansing herbal tea blends.

When you put together your new diet, there are three factors which determine what you will be eating: what your body needs, what you should avoid and what you like. If you keep an open mind, these three need not clash. Don’t be afraid to try out recipes you had not known yet. This is also a good moment for having yourself checked for food allergies. Give your eating plan a thorough clean-up! As a result, you may have to quit a number of eating habits, but you will also discover a wealth of new options to compensate for those. And always remember to go for the fresh and natural! Now, keep in mind you won’t drop three sizes overnight. Although your medication-induced weight may be bothering you, its loss is not your primary goal! Your primary goal is to become healthier and strengthen your body and mind. As a secondary effect, weight loss is likely to follow an improved overall health.

Websites:

For those who prefer a conventional approach to weight-loss, turn to www.weightwatchers.com or www.weightwatchers.co.uk.

Articles:

This post from the blog beyondmeds.com deals with the author´s personal experience with weight gain on psychiatric medication and weight loss after coming off the drugs: http://beyondmeds.com/2012/08/06/weight-psych-meds/ You may want to have a look at the rest of the blog, too. It is elaborate and full of valuable articles.

Here is a blog article in English by athlete Cathy Brown on how she successfully managed her depression and her anger issues through exercise: http://www.changingmindschanginglives.com/2013/05/sport-changed-my-life-for-the-better/

Audiovisuals:

Seminar on the functioning of the liver in English by nutritionist Barbara O’Neill: http://youtu.be/KAGEhkZ-ssY Should you wish to find out more about O’Neill, visit her website at http://www.barbhealth.com/.

Dr. Eric Berg has developed a nutritional theory based on different metabolic types. According to Berg, every person corresponds to at least one of these types. As a consequence, different individuals metabolize food in varying ways and function at their healthiest on different food plans. Berg does not refer to the added complication of psychiatric drug use, but still his discourse offers fascinating and useful insights. To learn more, watch the following videos in English:

Dr. Berg’s Body Type Seminar: http://youtu.be/_m-R4RqRQqM

The Body Type Diets – What to Eat for Each Type: http://youtu.be/xvOwfkg9p2o

If you are interested in more of Dr. Berg’s theory, go to http://www.drberg.com/