Some Words on: Hyperfunctionality Disorder

If you are following this blog, you likely do not have this problem, but to be on the safe side, go through this checklist:

  • You are successful in your career
  • If you go to school, you are an inquisitive and efficient learner
  • You have a good relationship with your family
  • You live in a harmonic relationship with your partner
  • You are nice to others
  • People like you
  • You never use inappropriate speech and always act gracefully
  • You dress neatly
  • You have kids and a full-time job and pursue academic studies, yet there are no dark circles under your eyes
  • You are well organized, your house is clean and orderly and you know where all of your important documents are
  • You handle money and other resources responsibly

Can you respond to more than six of these affirmations with “this applies to me”? If so, you suffer from a lesser or greater degree of Hyperfunctionality Disorder.  Now answer the following:

  • You are hot

If this applies to you on top of the common symptoms of Hyperfunctionality Disorder, you are not human…

Alright, so why am I writing an article on a disorder that does not appear in the DSM, for I made it up, and posting it on a blog about mental health? Because what society expects us to be ideally is abnormally perfect, and this expectation is driving many into despair and mental illness. Therefore, I suggest that it is a disorder in its own right. Yes, you do sometimes get people who glide through life with an almost spooky smoothness, but it is important to note it is not the rule, thus it is not normal. If you are not like that, there is nothing wrong with you! It merely means you are not fully and completely adapted to the ideals society promotes, and that is not necessarily a bad thing! Who ever said the societies we humans construct are healthy? I even believe it is an advantage to have a few bumps in your road and some edges to your personality, because they give you a chance to grow and enrich your life experience in ways no one could have foreseen for you.

So, the next time you come face to face with someone who shows signs of Hyperfunctionality Disorder, let them be. No need to get suspicious, or envious, or hateful. It is a natural, yet toxic impulse to feel any of these in the presence of people who unintentionally rub our own imperfection in our faces by being so relentlessly functional. And maybe they really are not that immaculate. Let’s admit it: we’re relieved every time we find someone seemingly flawless has a skeleton in their closet, too. It makes us feel a little better not to be the only deficient specimens around. And truth be said, you can never know what exactly is going on behind the façade. Of course you see your own weak spots with more clarity than those of a colleague, a fellow student or a neighbor. Even friends and relatives can have an inner life they never disclose to you. Still waters can run very, very deep.

But whether others are perfect or not should not even be your concern. You need to appreciate your own qualities, even the “negative” ones, because they nourish you through what you make of them. They all are energy sources you can use to move forward! Still more: you can be a gift to others because you, in your own, special way of being, contribute to the amazing variety of human existence. My message to you is: if you do not test positive for Hyperfunctionality Disorder, be glad, not worried! You have a challenging and unique path before you. Embrace it!

 

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Some words on: Inspiration and Creativity

Mental illness is a dark, lonely and scary state. It brings with it a blackout of basic survival skills and thereby exposes the individual to the whim of circumstances and people surrounding them. Uncaring and abusive treatment facilities, health care professionals and relatives can turn such an existence into hell on earth. But even if you are in the best of hands, your recovery depends on one indispensable ingredient: you. It is understood that you may not be able to take care of yourself. Still, you can attempt to stimulate your mind and emotions.

In fact, many clinics offer arts therapy, music therapy, sports activities, animal therapy, walks, and other stimulating experiences. Those are not meant to simply kill time and break the monotony of another day in a dull hospital setting, although these are certainly important aspects. In the first place, they are aimed at “defrosting” you. Mental illness is, so to speak, a general paralysis of the spirit. Thoughts and feelings, which help a healthy person to evaluate situations, take action and define their direction in life, fail to develop that traction in someone going through a mental crisis. Instead, they form something like a ball of yarn, if you will, with no visible loose end to pull at. In more rational terms, the confusion and erratic choices associated with mental illness derive from the impossibility of prioritizing thoughts and feelings functionally. The result is a disabling, smothering information overload. Therapies providing sensory stimuli intend to focus the patient’s mind and reactivate its capacity for healthy judgment, in the hopes of making the individual find the end of the metaphorical thread again.

Particularly artistic therapies challenge the patient to reawaken their power of judgment and decision. Creativity relies on the processing of given resources – materials, techniques and motifs – and their elaboration into a product that represents the uniqueness of its author’s interpretation. In a nutshell, creativity is the application of preexisting, generic ideas to a specific situation, in order to produce a new circumstance or object, the creative person’s individual experiences and capacities of judgment being the catalyst for this process. In plain English: when we are baking an apple cake, recipe in hand, and notice all our apples have gone bad, we will evoke the generic idea of “fruit” and look around our kitchen to see if we have something that could work in a similar way to apples. If we are lucky, we’ll find pears or plums, and use those. That is creativity. As the culinary example shows, creativity occurs not just within the fine arts. It is the motor of our survival and evolution both as a species and as individual beings. All our life decisions are necessarily creative, because we constantly attempt to adapt our circumstances to our individual needs and wishes. No matter how unadventurous and conventional a person is, they will always need to take decisions and create situations nobody else has ever taken before in the exact same way, simply because nobody else IS them.

Interestingly, numerous theories on the causes of mental illness sustain it can be triggered by dysfunctional or abusive relationships – may they occur in childhood or in adult life. If we try to define “dysfunction” or “abuse”, we will likely conclude that the destructive manipulation of the individual’s capacity to make healthy choices is an important part of these concepts. In other words, dysfunctional and abusive relationships affect or stunt the victim’s creativity, thus injuring their survival skills.

Herein lies the relevance of therapeutic approaches that involve the stimulation of creativity. Painting or making mosaics is more than a nice pastime producing pretty results. It stimulates vital cognitive functions and can contribute significantly to a patient’s return to a functioning and satisfying life.

Another aspect of creative therapy that should not be underestimated is the fostering of self-confidence. Not just mental illness, but also the stigma associated to being in psychiatric treatment can shatter your self-image. I have come across more than one person who suffered a painful transition from successful professional to hospitalized nutcase. Among them was a woman who used to be a psychotherapist and, after collapsing and having been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, will likely spend many years in supervised living facilities or in and out of mental hospitals. What I wish to say is that people who were socially “normal” can end up with the label “crazy” stuck on their foreheads. The stigma of it alone, even when it is the result of a misdiagnosis, is powerful enough to down individuals who so far had been high-flyers. While creative therapy will not magically reestablish anyone in their previous position, after a catastrophic collapse it can be one of the few things left showing you that you are actually able to accomplish something. Every ounce of hope counts. Accumulate many of them.

Now, at the top of the present article I stated the importance of the individual’s wish to get better. Mostly, what counts is for you to just give something new a try. Some people may argue they are not the artsy type, but as I have argued above, that is also not was creative therapies are mainly about. Creativity is an indispensable life skill because it empowers you to take your life in your own hands and make the best out of past experiences. Creative therapies also help individuals lessen the weight of trauma on a deeper level than spoken or written words ever could. Fear and pain can be nameless, but it may be possible to encrypt them in color, shape, sound or movement. Also, the socially established connotations of verbal language often provoke feelings of shame and defeat, especially when it comes to describing a victimizing situation. Not so the arts. They allow even humiliating experiences to be expressed in a shrouded and abstract manner, therefore being emotionally less taxing than a verbal account. Words are powerful on a conscious level, but in order to release pressure accumulated in the subconscious, the arts can be more efficient. Any activity that helps you exercise your creativity will ultimately strengthen your self-confidence and enhance your coping skills.

Creativity is also a source of joy and social interaction, which are also pillars of mental health. Just to add another anecdote, from my last stay in a psychiatric hospital, I remember a gentleman who, if I am not mistaken, worked as a transport entrepreneur and was treated for depression. He looked anything but an artist. Yet, through arts therapy, he discovered his passion and talent for oil painting. In an amazingly short period of time, he became skillful enough to produce a series of remarkable, very expressive floral still lives, which the clinic decided to display in its corridors. Both staff and fellow patients openly admired his work and encouraged him to stick to his new found love. Frankly, I have no information on whether he ultimately recovered from his depression. The last thing I know, before I myself was discharged from the clinic, was that he had become an outpatient and gone back to living at home. I would not go as far as saying that his mental health improved due to arts therapy, but I am convinced that his motivating experience within the clinical setting must have given him a good push forward in everyday life as well.

Personally, I believe the all-encompassing benefits of creative activities are the reason why so many people engage in crafty pastimes. On the most immediate level, creating something beautiful or practical is an uplifting experience. It makes you feel productive and gives you aesthetic pleasure. But also, making something which has not existed before tells you that you are able to shape your surrounding circumstances. You may have only crocheted a doily or lined a shoe box, but spiritually it is a symbol for your power to contribute to reality and bring the things you desire into your life. It means you are capable of making choices which lead to a good result on a small scale, which in turn should encourage you to believe that, on a higher plane, you will succeed in the making of bigger decisions as well.

Arts therapy, as the term suggests, includes an element of systematic psychological support in addition to the application of creative skills. But even if you, or someone you know who is in need of help, have no access to arts therapy, taking up a creative hobby is always an option for you. Depending on the materials and the equipment some arts require, they can be more or less costly. Therefore, consider your budget before you get started. Also, if you don’t feel like committing to one specific activity right now, browse the internet for DIY blogs. They are literally everywhere, and many of them offer tutorials on smaller, varied arts and crafts projects. You can even look for tutorials on how to redecorate your home in an easy and low-cost way, or how to pep up your wardrobe with self-made accessories, if you wish for a practical rather than a purely aesthetic approach. Creativity has no limits, so take your time and enjoy the many ideas buzzing around on the www. Feel free to share your thoughts on creativity and mental health below in the comments section.

Websites:

The Art Therapy blog offers descriptions of various types of creative therapies, articles on related topics and information on educational options for people who are interested in becoming therapists. First and foremost, this blog is informative and inspiring. It is not a support website for those in crisis or otherwise in need of help. Still, remember that knowledge is always empowering. So, no matter on which side of the table you sit, it is a useful website to visit. The Art Therapy blog also runs a Facebook page. http://www.arttherapyblog.com/

Some Words on: Nightmares and Restless Sleep on Psychiatric Medication

As for all states of distress, APA also has a fancy name for nightmares: nightmare disorder or dream anxiety disorder. It is known that everybody has nightmares from time to time. They are believed to be caused by our mind trying to process conflicts, fears and stressful life events. In other words: nightmares are a healthy and necessary phenomenon that helps us deal with our issues and move on. Yet, when unsettling dreams become so frequent and so intense that they disrupt our sleep patterns and affect our mental and emotional balance during the day, they no longer help us to cope, but they add to our problems. Not only do nightmares leave an ugly aftertaste and cloud our mood. Deprivation of restful sleep can exacerbate already existent psychoses. Sleep, and in particular restful sleep, are a vital component of mental health.

Although it is meant to improve symptoms of mental illness, psychoactive medication commonly causes sleep disturbances, including nightmare disorder. In general, psychotropic drugs will affect your sleep cycles in one or the other way, for whatever acts upon your mental functions during your waking hours, logically also does so when you are asleep. Both my antidepressant (Sertraline) and my anti-psychotic (Quetiapine) list nightmares as a frequent side-effect, along with other sleep abnormalities, such as insomnia or excessive sleepiness. So far, I have gotten away with only the nightmares.

Ever since I got on psychoactive medication, I have had hardly one night without unsettling dreams, and this is not an exaggeration. The topics are nauseatingly repetitive. Being far from home at a place I perceive as threatening and fearing not to be able to leave, is a classic. Typically, in my dream I am anxious to leave that place before the onset of winter with its cold and darkness. A variation of this scenario is my having to travel to a threatening place. Luckily, my dream-Self has learned by now to just say “I am not going. I have a right to be where I feel safe and happy.”. Often, these dreams are coupled with scenes of confrontations between me and relatives whom I am also in conflict with in real life. Typically, they would attempt to tear down my self-confidence or force me into life choices I feel strongly opposed to. Before I moved in with my partner four months ago, I also used to dream I was living in a house that was crumbling. Cracks would appear in the walls, or big chunks of plaster would fall off them. In those dreams, it was understood that the structure could collapse and crush me any minute. I believe I can see clearly which fears all these nightmares spring from. My interpretation is that, after having seen my existence and my personal autonomy disintegrate during my psychotic break, my psyche is still fearful of it to possibly happen again. Over the last years, I have returned to a good life. In fact, I would say my life is now happier than it has ever been before. To me, it seems only logical that my not-so-subconscious is afraid of losing it all again.

Plane crashes are another frequent dream. I am actually afraid of flying, so the source of this scenario is also quite obvious. The origin of other nightmares is less evident. An interesting one is the vision of a cataclysmic volcanic eruption or simply a nearby active volcano that scares the crap out of me, but apparently out of nobody else. In my dreams, I regularly find myself in groups of enthusiastic people who absolutely want to climb up to the crater, while I am desperately trying to convince them not to. In reality, I do live in the proximity of three volcanoes, but I have never witnessed an eruption. I realize such an event is a possibility, but it is not something that occupies my conscious mind. So far in my life, I have scaled five volcanoes and slept at the foot of another three without being overly concerned about it.

A few posts ago, I had already mentioned that I am beginning to have less intense nightmares than has been usual for me over the last four years. And finally, last week, I got a break from my nightly horror-marathon. I actually dreamt something pleasant! I will abstain from going into details, but the sweet afterglow of that dream stayed with me throughout the day. It has been a while since this last happened to me. I am quite delighted! Placing the dream in the context of my current life situation, I have to assume a huge part of the improvement is certainly due to my moving into a new, lovely home with my partner and us both making healthy changes to our lifestyle. And although I have only just started to wean off my medications, I also hope the reduction of my medication dose to have something to do with the improved quality of my sleep. Could it be that my brain was too numbed down to process topics of conflict and therefore brought them up again and again through my dreams, similar to a broken record that can’t get past a certain content, but replays it in an endless loop? Could the dose reduction have begun to reactivate those parts of my psyche, allowing me to finally deal with and eventually overcome the unresolved issues? I cannot know for sure, but it is a hypothesis that I find logical.

Whether or not you consider weaning off your medications, you can – and should – attempt to improve the quality of your sleep. Actually, some speak of “sleep hygiene”. Taking measures of sleep hygiene is recommendable for everyone, even “healthy” individuals. The equation is simple: the more restful your sleep is, the better you feel all over – mentally and emotionally – and the better your cognitive functions are. If you are tormented by insomnia or by nightmares to a point that you perceive sleep as an unpleasant duty, try the following:

  • Establish regular sleeping habits. Try going to bed and getting up approximately at the same time every day, and allow yourself at least seven hours of rest. Even if your sleep gets interrupted during the night or you can’t fall asleep in the first place – stick to those seven hours and get out of bed at the established time. Eventually, your organism will recognize this resting period as its opportunity for distension and revitalization.
  • Create an optimal sleep environment in your bedroom. Make sure your mattress is comfortable and your pillows allow you to rest your head without straining your neck and upper back. Switch off all the lights and, if possible, do not keep any electronic devices in your bedroom. Use curtains or blinds which block street lights and the morning sun effectively. Try out if you prefer complete silence or soft noises like the gurgling of a small fountain or the regular ticking of a clock. Make sure temperatures in your bedroom are moderate. Neither excessive heat nor cold will help you sleep.
  • Avoid caffeinated beverages, stimulant medication or other energizing substances during the late afternoon and evening. Funnily, although alcohol can make you feel drowsy in the beginning, it is a major sleep disruptor because it messes with your sleep cycles. Same as for stimulating substances, take care not to have booze right before going to sleep. Personally, I know some people who actually have a cup of coffee or even espresso right before going to bed. They insist it helps them sleep. If you are one of that kind, fair enough, but probabilities are that you react to caffeine like most other mortals do – by staying wide awake. To be on the safe side, stay away from coffee and maybe have a glass of hot milk or soothing herbal infusion before going to sleep.
  • Just before going to bed, give yourself 30 minutes of time out. Spend them on a relaxing activity: meditation, reading, cuddling with your pet, chatting with your partner, watering your plants or just putting things in place around the house. Give yourself an opportunity for winding down and cleansing your mind and emotions at the end of every day. Studying for an exam or watching an action movie and then hitting the hay immediately is not a good idea. Just like a train can’t come to a dead halt, you need to gently let your mind come to rest.
  • Eat at least two hours before going to sleep. Going to bed with a full stomach is almost certain to make you toss and turn. If your schedule doesn’t allow for this, prepare a light snack rather than a full meal in the evening.
  • Exercise! Any type of workout, especially if performed several times a week, will not only help you burn off calories, but it will also improve your mood significantly. It is not necessary to do anything extreme or spectacular. Yoga and long walks are perfectly fin. Of course, if you wish to go for something more intense, feel free! Regular exercise will help you find a more restful sleep and balance your mood. Just remember that, if you exercise intensely in the evening, you need to come off your adrenaline rush before going to bed, so don’t hop right from the treadmill into bed. Maybe do a short yoga routine, have a nice warm shower or engage in some activity you find soothing.
  • Follow a healthy diet. Prefer whole, fresh foods to highly processed ones. Processed foods are typically rich in all the wrong things: sugar, fat, sodium, artificial sweeteners, preservatives, colorants. At the same time, they are almost devoid of vital nutrients and contain very little dietary fiber, which you need to cleanse your intestines. Thinking you can make up for your dietary deficiencies by taking supplements is a wrong assumption. Cover as many nutritional necessities as you can through your food intake. My partner and I, for example, are going low carb and mainly eating vegetables, lean meats, soy and dairy products. We have also developed the habit of drinking vegetable smoothies every morning. They taste great, and depending on which veggies and fruits you combine you can obtain different flavors, colors and nutritional benefits. We use kale as a main ingredient, and from there we just improvise according to what we have at home: spinach, strawberries, beets, celery, raspberries, carrots, apples, lettuce, and so on. Be creative, it’s your call to design your own liquid salad!

As you can see, there is a lot you can do for your sleep quality, even if you choose to stay on psychiatric medication for now. Try any or all of the above measures before asking your prescribing doctor for tranquilizers or sleeping pills. Adding medication to your treatment plan may seem like a quick fix. Yet, it only delays your getting to the root of your problems, compromises your liver and will make it even more difficult for you to ever wean off your medications. When you’re lost in the jungle, don’t add more trees. Consider taking further medication as the very last resort, or as an emergency solution to treat acute insomnia or psychosis temporarily.

Last, but not least, make sure you have the support of those living under the same roof with you. You can make your room as dark and as quiet as you like, but if your roommate insists on having noisy reunions or listening to loud music during the evenings, you will have a hard time finding sleep. Whoever you share your space with – family members, your partner, friends or fellow patients – explain to them why and how you wish to improve your sleeping habits. You might even be able to make them join in! Everybody needs restful sleep, and certainly everyone enjoys it. Personally, I find it extremely helpful that my partner and I are on the same page in terms of looking after our health. We share the same diet, do yoga together and follow the same sleeping schedule. Doing all of these things together is also a beautiful occasion for bonding. We research and discuss new food recipes, try out different yoga routines and have a small chat before going to sleep. Incorporating healthy habits into our lifestyle has been a wonderful contribution to a harmonious relationship and a happy home.

I would love for you share your own experiences with nightmares or other sleep disturbances, and with measures you have taken to overcome them. Feel free to comment. I will read through everything you send me and publish it here on my blog. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Some Words on: Inner Strength – Your Contribution to Your Healing Process

There are many forms of treatment for you coming from the outside – medication, psychotherapy, creative therapies, physical exercise, and so on. Health care professionals and loved ones can be looking after you and trying to help you surmount your conflicts. Yet, there is someone whose participation in your recovery is indispensable: you. The least you can and must do is to accept help, but there are more active measures you can take to allow for healing to set in.

Our attitude playing a decisive role in creating success in all sorts of aspects of our lives is a generally accepted idea. Medicine has begun to recognize that both psychosomatic illness and healing actually do exist. Attitude, thought and intention appear to determine the outcome of our actions more than western science has been willing to admit so far. On the other hand, in philosophy, spiritual practice and even folkloric wisdom all over the globe, this idea is ancient.

You can play an active part in your recovery and cultivate your Inner Strength even when your mind is broken. Deep in your core there is a source of energy that cannot be destroyed, and that will only disengage from your body upon death. You can put whichever name you please to it, depending on your world view: Inner Strength, Survival Instinct, Inner Self, Essence, Spirit, or Soul. No matter what you believe or do not believe in, you possess this energy. It is what carries you through all good and bad moments of your life. Often, we only notice it is there when we are in crisis. Maybe you remember situations where you told someone, or where you heard someone else say: “Looking back, I have no idea how I made it – I must have been very lucky.” Well, that was the Inner Self at work. Something inside you is determined to see you through your ordeal. You must give it room to act.

Again, depending on your beliefs, there are many ways you can allow your Inner Strength to help you. First of all, you must connect with it. Religious or otherwise spiritually oriented people may resort to prayer and meditation, while rationalists who prefer a more practical approach can choose positive thinking, autosuggestion or exercises of willpower and mental discipline. It does not matter HOW you do it. It is just very important THAT you do it. Anyone insisting you need to belong to this or that religious group or a specific school of thought in order to achieve healing is misguiding you. Of course, if you feel it puts you on a good path, you can practise a religion! What I am meaning to say is that you need to find your very own way of dealing with yourself and your active role in this world, and no one should coax you into anything.

The following is how I, under consideration of my world view, attempted to drag my cart out of the mud. I repeat: this is not the only way to do it, and you need not share my beliefs in order to recover. It is just an example. Personally, I am wary about religious dogma and even more wary of people who try to impose it on others. However, I am a spiritual person. I do believe in a universal, conscious force some call God. I also believe in the existence of the Soul and its immortality. In my view, all elements of creation are energetically interconnected. As a consequence, I am convinced praying for others or the idea of sending them love or light is capable of reaching them through this energetic network. In a similar way, asking God (or The Force, or Maradona, or your Self) for strength and healing will help you activate those within you. No matter what or whom you invoke will come to your aid. As for myself, I know many people were praying for me or thinking about me caringly when I was hitting rock bottom. I firmly believe their good intentions made a huge difference. Also, despite cognitive difficulties during my psychotic break, I kept praying and meditating. I was terrified because my situation seemed completely hopeless. Nonetheless, I was unwilling to accept my condition as the endpoint of my life’s journey. The circumstances felt a bit like being adrift in the middle of the ocean and blindly firing flares into the night in the hopes of some ship noticing them eventually. Rescue was out of sight, yet not requesting it would have made it even less likely to ever arrive. How much of my recovery can be attributed to support from the forces I believe in is open to speculation. Still, I consider it must have been an important constituent of my healing process.

When your existence is in a fleeting state, being able to hold on to something edifying and encouraging also makes it easier for you to receive help from external sources. It can be your first step on firm ground. Just to use another metaphor: it is easier for others to extend their hand to you when you have managed to remain stable on the water’s surface, as opposed to panicking and chaotically panting and kicking around you. Inner Strength and hope can and should be stimulated even when you are at your weakest mentally and emotionally. Probably, no overnight miracles will happen, but look out for a gradual improvement of your state over time. A constant drop of water will finally fill the bucket.

My advice to you is to pick some entity you can ask for help. If you are religious, it can be your God or a saintly figure. If you are agnostic yet spiritual, it can be the universal consciousness, a deceased ancestor, your spiritual guide, an angel, or whichever other being. If you are a skeptic and non-believer, meditate over your own willpower, practise positive thinking or seek inspiration in motivational literature and time spent with loved ones. As you can see, the list of options is quite eclectic. If you do not feel up to any spiritual or intellectual commitment, you can still indulge in small rituals to invigorate you, such as the contemplation of beauty and nature. But be careful not to use your state of weakness as a justification for remaining passive. Your intention is what counts, and intention is active. You need to wish for healing. Your aim is to awaken your Inner Strength by whichever means you are able to use. This is your invaluable contribution to your recovery.

Some Words on: The Sickliness of Hospital Settings

“Hospitals make you sick”, said a person whom I met during my psychotic break, and whose kindness and understanding make me remember her as some sort of angel who came to shine a light into my darkest moments. She had picked the saying up from her father, and I was soon to find out what she meant by it. Evidently, the main purpose of hospitals is to cure people. Yet, some characteristics of hospital settings are surprisingly out of tune with that mission.

First of all, there is that smell. Even if you are just a visitor, it can turn your stomach inside out. Naturally, hospitals need to be kept clean at all times, and strong disinfectants are to help achieve that – but heck, can’t they develop one that doesn’t make the place smell as if a tsunami of cough syrup has just rolled through? There must be a way of eliminating those sick smells and introducing more pleasant ones. Smell can improve well-being significantly. Otherwise, perfumes or aromatherapy would never have been invented. It isn’t even a new concept. Human beings have used fragrances for thousands of years in the context of religious cults, all kinds of celebrations, in their homes or on their bodies. Essential oils, for example, have been a coveted luxury good for countless generations, and continue to be that. Only think of this: who doesn’t like to use incense sticks, aroma lamps or room fresheners to improve their mood? Who doesn’t keep one or the other perfume in their bathroom cabinet? Scents help us relax, energize, concentrate, and feel sexy; they can make a home feel warmer and a work environment more dynamic.

Remember that we experience life through our senses, including the sense of smell. The stimuli our senses convey to us are immediately interpreted by us as positive or negative, and therefore trigger different emotional reactions. It is all about associations. During our lives, we learn to associate smells with certain circumstances, events, rituals, places and memories. Cinnamon smells of a cozy day at home, sunscreen smells like a beach holiday, burned cookies smell of wasted effort, and hospitals… smell of sickness.

It is true that there is a lot of sickness accumulated in hospitals, so it seems only logical for it to be reflected in the general vibe of the place. Still, hospitals should also be places of healing, and healing can and should be stimulated through strengthening stimuli. Scent is just one of them. Let’s move on to hospital food. It is probably one of the poorest diets there can possibly be. When all the ingredients on your plate – the salad, the veggies and the meat – have the same color, gray, you know they don’t have much going on in terms of nutrients. Vegetables and proteins are usually boiled to death, and salads often consist of canned yellow beans and the likes. Desserts mostly seem to have been made out of some instant powder mixed up with water and typically come in sickly pastel colors. And let’s not even talk about flavors and textures. “Urgh” says it all.

Considering that science already knows how vital good nutrition is for our health, it seems insane how hospitals are still serving food that not only does not help patients to recover, but has the potential of making them even sicker because of its nutritional poorness. Even someone healthy needs a wide variety of vitamins, minerals, fats, and so on. Now imagine someone who has already lost their health and needs to regain it. This does not only go for physical illness, but also for mental pathologies. The brain functions thanks to elements our metabolism derives from what we consume. In every respect, hospital food should be absolute power-food, the very best stuff there is! The emphasis goes on the word “should”.

If you, or a loved one, are currently hospitalized, you may wish to complement the hospital diet with valuable snacks. Get fruit, or have fruit brought to you. Apples are a great choice. They are easily available and keep for a long time, even outside the refrigerator. There are, of course, bunches of other types of fruit, but none seems to be quite as practical as apples. Bananas, for example, are an excellent snack and very rich in dietary fiber, but their intense smell may bother your roommates. Also, they get squishy quite easily and attract fruit flies. Whichever fruits you decide to acquire, eat them instead of that awful, pale-yellow Jell-O with tiny beige chunks in it. Also, abstain from the mummified salad on your food tray. Alternatively, you can have a fresh cucumber cut in slices and with its peel still on. As a snack in the afternoon, you could enjoy carrot sticks dipped in peanut butter. All of these items – apples, cucumber and carrots – are relatively cheap, available all year round and do not need any preparation other than cutting them up. Also, drink a lot of pure water and squeeze half a lemon into it at least once a day. Whenever you have the choice between a soda and water or milk, choose any of the latter two. Avoid adding sugar to hot drinks. All these are small and easy hacks which help you improve your health.

Complementing the hospital diet with your own choices of fresh foods can also be an opportunity for social bonding with your fellow patients. During my last hospitalization, I was sharing a room with three other people. It was summer, so there was a lot of fruit on offer everywhere – cherries and plums from local farms, apples, imported peaches and so on. Spontaneously, some of us would go, buy a big bag of fruit and put it in a bowl on the table for everyone in the room to take. Other patients spontaneously formed salad initiatives. They would throw their money together and shop for ingredients for vegetable or fruit salads, prepare them together and share them among one another. All this does not sound like a big deal, but that little bit of human warmth and joyful interaction can make a huge difference for someone who has hit rock bottom. In this sense, bringing flowers to your room is also a small, but important boost for everyone’s psyche. And guess what, this is where smell comes into play again. The smell of flowers is always beautiful.

“Beautiful” is my cue for the next unfortunate aspect of hospital environments: visual ugliness. It must be acknowledged that, given the requirements of cleanliness and good illumination, the off-putting linoleum floors and ghostly light from uninspiring neon tubes are probably necessary evils. Still, a lot can and should be done to make hospitals look less cold and morgue-like. After all, it is in no-one’s interest to have patients slip even further into depression. Some clinics do make attempts to create a more mood-enhancing environment. Large windows, plants, colorful artwork and cozy sofas with coffee tables and magazines here and there go a long way. The access to green outside areas is another huge plus. Sometimes, all it takes to make someone feel less gloomy is to sit on the in the sunshine on a lawn or on a bench in the shade of a tree for a while – alone or with others.

And last but not least, hospital setting should offer ample opportunity both for socializing and for introversion and retreat. The last clinic I was in had generous outside areas with a park, benches and Ping-Pong tables, as well as an indoor sports court which was constantly open to patients who wished to organize volleyball matches or other activities. This was not a fancy private clinic – it was a public, if quite renowned, one. Admittedly, the place was guilty of giving out horrible food and committing several esthetic atrocities, but the overall intention was right. Another thing they did well was that the staff kept close contact with the patients. Not so much in a controlling way, but mainly by being available for communication and socialization. Patients would get to talk one-on-one with the treating doctors several times a week, and every morning both patients and staff would meet up to comment among one another on how everyone felt and on some randomly picked topic. Once every week the arts therapist would direct a huge cake bake-off, followed by a collective cake and coffee binge. On one occasion, as the weather was hot and sunny, all staff and patients from the station decided to go for a pick nick in a nearby park. You may guess by now this was not a closed facility, meaning that patients were not physically restrained or thought to be a danger to themselves and others. Still, some of them had symptoms comparable to those of people I had met in a closed facility some months before, possibly meaning that this clinic simply encouraged and trusted its patients more than other institutions. Along these lines, I remember being invited to a former patient’s birthday party on the other side of town. I commented to the nurse at the entrance that I might be back really late, and she just smiled and wished me a fun evening! All over, I felt that the staff of this clinic was more interested in motivating patients to return to functional life than in isolating them from it. This should be one of the core objectives of psychiatric hospitals, but as things are you have to be very lucky to find a place like this.

Being hospitalized at any psychiatric h clinic is always difficult and scary, because you are often so hopeless that you just can’t fathom a way out of your crisis. But definitely, the attitude of a psychiatric clinic towards its patients is crucial for your recovery. Being guarded by an institution whose staff works against you by violating your dignity and undermining your trust can be the last nail in your coffin. I am certain such places don’t even contribute to the destruction of their patients on purpose. They fall prey to an intellectual fallacy by thinking you have to recover by yourself, and all they have to do is medicate you and lock you up. If the day they examine you again you haven’t improved, they just assume you need some more drugs and additional time behind closed doors. Being locked in by people who disregard your personal integrity could drive a healthy person bonkers. Now imagine what it does to someone who is already weakened. If anyone ever comes out of there cured, it is a miracle rather than a medical success. Such clinics fail to recognize their role as active participants in your healing process, and therefore contribute to your sinking even deeper into illness. On the other hand, staying at a clinic that practices an attitude of encouragement and support towards its patients helps you greatly, if not decisively, in putting your act back together.

In my belief, the biggest shortcoming of hospital environments is how they isolate patients from life. When you are confined to a clinic, you logically cannot participate in society the way you do living freely. But it is that very sense of being stuck in limbo that can worsen feelings of depression and hopelessness in patients. Who if not the very institution our society provides for healing should allow the ill to gather new strength and return to active existence? I am sure the more life is brought to a hospital in the shape of social and artistic therapies, fresh foods, biological life such as plants, comforting scents, natural daylight, cozy areas for relaxation and fresh air, the more curative it will be. Staying at a psychiatric clinic may not allow you to be immersed in everyday life, but it must offer the clear perspective of equipping you for it.

Right now, many hospitals make people sicker. My acquaintance’s father was right about that. The practice of medicine and psychiatry is often still not humane, not loving, not caring, enough. To a culture devout to science and rational thinking this sounds amateurish and cheesy. Yet, it is a profound truth. If science has not been able yet to define or measure love, compassion, health and vital energy, it is by force also unable to produce those. It is one thing to give someone a pill for their intestinal cramps. It is another to attempt mending someone’s broken spirit in the same way. Our health system still has a lot to learn.

What Made Me Crazy And How Do I Deal with It?

When I broke down with psychosis, I had already been struggling with myself for many years, if not for all my life. Although as a teenager and as a young adult I had always been hopeful about my future – and I still am – I was also experiencing major insecurities which made me fear I was incapable of survival, let alone happiness. Even if other people praised me as a person or liked the quality of my work, I always felt like a cheat who is using a promising façade to hide a putrid ruin. I felt emotionally and socially disabled. During the years leading up to the psychotic break, I had been working hard to overcome my mistrust in myself, but I never shook off the fear that I might be a failure by design. Something seemed wrong.

Now, there are many definitions of mental illness and also many theories about its origins. As no clear answer has been found yet, the consensus is that mental illness results from mixed factors such as genetic predisposition, dysfunctional upbringing, traumatic experiences and substance abuse. The presence of any of these, or any combination of these, can push someone over the edge.

In my case, I can rule out substance abuse and traumatic experiences, not counting extreme stress as the latter. Thus remain genetic predisposition and a dysfunctional upbringing. I cannot prove nor disprove genetic disposition, but looking at family history on my paternal side there might be some. I would have to find out more about that issue. Just for the sake of argument, let’s say I am genetically predisposed towards mental illness, and my symptoms were triggered by a dysfunctional upbringing and other stress factors. An unhealthy upbringing I can prove to have had. I lacked nothing material, and also received a good academic education, but my close family was and still is emotionally damaged.

My parents had a miserable marriage, yet never split up. They shared a strange need to destroy, despise and blame one another for everything that had gone wrong in their lives. Fights and insults were their means of communication. My father retreated into a socially isolated lifestyle. He was super-sensitive and irritable, displayed signs of OCD (he feared the presence of germs and dust everywhere) and held no power of decision within the family. Hardly anyone took him seriously, or so I perceived it. My mother personified the theories about “schizophrenisizing” parenting you find in psychology literature. She loved me, but had no clue how to do it. She was possessive, controlling, over-protecting, manipulative, and eternally ambiguous about everything. She exerted power by instilling fear and feelings of guilt in me. Despite her addiction to control, she herself was desperately insecure and fickle. At times she was excessive in her demonstrations of motherly love, and at times she condemned me for being my father’s offspring. One day she could be encouraging and generous, the next she would make me feel unworthy. I could never confide in her because she might use whatever I said against me. My siblings, way older than me and living far away, just got the idea that I was a problem. My mother used to evacuate her complaints about me with them and other family members. When the first thing your cousin says to you, after a decade of not seeing one another, is “I know everything you’ve done to your mother”, you know for sure you’re the official fuck-up of the tribe. Now add years of bullying at school and you get someone who logically – with or without genetic predisposition – had to go nuts at some point.

So what was the ultimate trigger? My psychotic break was not my first crisis, but other than the previous ones it was cataclysmic. The breakdown was immediately preceded by the end of a long-term relationship (if not a very healthy one), a life-changing move to another country and a personal confrontation with my family I was unprepared for, and which threw me right back into my old conflicts with them. All of these together produced an acute feeling of having been uprooted and set adrift in existence. It was an extremely frightening and painful experience. There was nothing I could hold on to for catching my fall, most of all not myself. That is ultimate loneliness. I became shock-frozen in life, and a case for the mental clinics. Mental illness had always been presented to me as an incurable, invariably disabling and socially annulling condition. My terror was nameless when I got diagnosed as psychotic and medicated. None of the first bunch of doctors I saw gave me any hope of reconquering life ever again, and my initial medication regime also was not helpful. I literally became a zombie – wishing for an end to everything, but my body would go on functioning, keeping me prisoner in a biological existence devoid of meaning and direction. There was no curtain call for me yet. Back then, during my crisis, staying physically alive felt like a curse. I just wanted out! The winds began changing during my last hospitalization. After that, I hesitantly but firmly took up the reigns again. I cannot tell what exactly made me recover. A combination of many physical and immaterial factors must have come together in my favor, including an unknown energy deep in my essence that refused to let me go under.  Nowadays, I am glad I made it through. Nothing guarantees me psychosis won’t strike again, but as things are I am not fearful about it. Right now, I have a lot to live for and I love my life as it is – full of beauty and love. But getting here sure was heck of a trip!

Once you break down in crisis, society isn’t exactly forgiving, including people you had felt close to so far. They may give up on you for various reasons: they think you are just putting on an egocentric show and this unnerves them; in their opinion your problems are your own fault and you are an irresponsible fool for having invited them in; your shallower acquaintances simply don’t find you fun anymore; firmer bonds suffer because they find dealing with you and seeing you ill too painful. Your former co-workers or fellow students may prefer to forget your name forever. In the eyes of many, craziness is not an ailment which can attack anyone and eventually subside again. Society stigmatizes mental illness as an inborn, rotten part of the befallen individual, who is therefore worthless.

Right along the lines of supposedly being damned by birth, you will hear it said that what you didn’t receive in your cradle, you will never acquire. In other words: if you had a bad start you might just as well throw yourself off a bridge, because there is no remedy for you. To everyone out there who was lulled into believing this popular la-di-dah: it is utter and complete BULLSHIT. Certainly, teaching yourself is harder than having everything served to you on a tray. Still, your capacity of learning and growing is your lifelong gift. No-one but yourself can keep you from enjoying it. Never resign to thinking you are merely the outcome of your parents’ joined genes and educative efforts. Have you ever heard the saying “the sum is bigger than its parts”? It is true! There is much, much more to you. An unlikely source of wisdom, among many others, is the subtitle on the posters of the Hollywood movie “Gattaca”. It reads: “There is no gene for human spirit”. Neuroscience, in fact, backs this philosophy up. It turns out the human brain remains capable of rewiring its networks throughout our entire life. This ability is called neuroplasticity. How remarkably flexible and versatile our brain is, is impressively described in Norman Doidge’s book “The Brain That Changes Itself”. It is quite a fascinating and edifying read. According to the principle of neuroplasticity, any unhealthy behavioral and thinking patterns you fear were hardwired into you during your childhood and youth do not predetermine your future. You can modify them through willpower, practice and positive reinforcement. Thereby, you can even activate or deactivate certain genes. In other words: no matter where you are coming from, you are able to become someone you love and respect. Probably you will need help and also some powerful insights gained from difficult experiences, but you can mend your psyche. In this context, I would like to recommend another book. It is really written for therapists and the loved ones of people in need of help. Yet, as it portrays clearly which kind of help is the right one, I found it extremely useful for myself, because it taught me what my therapeutic needs are. This, in turn, allows me to seek out adequate help and instruct those closest to me how to deal with me should moments of crisis come up. The book I am referring to is Dr. Peter Breggin’s The Heart of Being Helpful”. This is a must-read for you, both if you are the one who is in crisis, and if you are a potential helper.

And finally, don’t let yourself become the problem. Also, don’t allow others to make you that. Unfortunately, even in the medical field, a mentally ill patient is treated as the personified problem. This does not happen to such a great extent in other areas of medicine. For example, a patient can HAVE a heart disease, but they ARE not a heart disease. Possibly out of general ignorance about the causes and nature of mental illness, someone with, say, schizophrenia, is considered to be inherently dysfunctional rather than suffering from a dysfunction that may well be temporary. Also, what if mental illness is actually not an illness in the conventional sense, not a medical defect? Could it be a reaction to the richness of observations an exceptionally sensitive and perceptive psyche is able to make of reality? Maybe some people are simply able to feel the pea under multiple layers of bedding, while others have a thicker skin and fall asleep anyways? It is easy to just stick the label of mental illness onto someone whose takes in a greater variety of stimuli, and who cannot always process their complexity. At first glimpse, you may judge extreme susceptibility as a weakness. In general, the psychiatric discipline and mainstream opinion fail to recognize that psychological hypersensitivity can also be a gift that stretches way beyond madness and alienation. In my personal view, it offers an opportunity for learning, healing, and growth that is less accessible to all those who are robust enough to just leave their conflicts unattended and carry on with their emotional load on their backs. If you break down under your world’s weight, you will be forced to sort the clutter and take only the useful things with you. Mental crises are a nightmarish ordeal, but they can also be your chance for renovation. I am not saying you necessarily need to become psychotic in order to make something out of your life. Of course not! What I suggest is that facing mental illness does not have to end in absolute defeat. Instead, it could well be the first step towards a more conscious way of living. I do believe that the destructive forces of madness can be turned around and redirected. Consider mental illness as a challenge, not as a final verdict. You can move on.

The following are links that lead you to people who are dealing with their conditions in inspiring ways, and to institutions which can help deal with your situation.

 

Websites:

Directory of organizations which can help people who are first diagnosed with a mental illness (UK based): http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01b3s86/features/info-and-support

This is the blog of Natasha Tracy, who fought herself back up to her feet despite her diagnosis: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/

 

Articles:

Christopher Tolmie writes about his documentary “Mental: A Family Experience”, which he exposed at the Scottish Mental Health Arts & Film Festival 2013 in Glasgow (http://www.mhfestival.com/). Here is the link to the article: http://www.changingmindschanginglives.com/2014/01/mental-illness-does-not-necessarily-incapacitate-someone/ Or go to:  http://www.mhfestival.com/news/interview/item/77-festival-blog

Audiovisuals:

“Ask A Schizophrenic – My Answers”: Questions and answers with Rachel Star (NOT Rachel Starr), who got diagnosed with schizophrenia and talks about how she manages her life and makes the best of her condition. To me, she appears quite admirable and inspiring. http://youtu.be/BAUlllDZqxg

This moving story recently went viral. In case you still haven’t come across it, it is about a man named Johnny Benjamin. He had been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and decided he was going to take his life. This was prevented last minute by a passer-by. After the incident, Benjamin began to turn his life around and is now giving thanks to his rescuer. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-25959260

Some Words on: Mental Illness as a Sales Hit

“Mental Illness” has become a ubiquitous term in mainstream media. In many instances, they are promoted with the same nonchalance as over-the-counter medications, and little is said about their negative effects. As a consequence, consumers are more likely to start using psychotropic medications. At the same time, doctors are getting increasingly casual about prescribing them under the pretext of a hastily made diagnosis. Strangely, having a (not too scary) mental disorder is now almost a fashionable accessory to your personal presentation. Remarking at a cocktail party you have ADHD or anxiety disorder at the same time as being a successful professional makes you incredibly interesting. Don’t try this with schizophrenia or other spooky sounding conditions, though, unless you want to have the couch you’re sitting on all to yourself. Read more on social isolation and psychiatric conditions in my post “Some Words on: The Social Stigma of Mental Illness”.

The idea that you can have a “normal” life despite being mentally ill is one of the strongest messages the pharmaceutical industry uses for marketing psychiatric drugs. But they don’t only target potential consumers; they also offer attractive deals to prescribers. Tagging a patient with some or the other “disorder” and sending them home with a prescription is profitable for psychiatrists just as it is for pharmaceutical companies. As a consequence, prescribers with less than very sound work ethics are prone to over-diagnosing patients. Conveniently, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) gets thicker with every new edition, so more diagnoses can be cooked up and more prescriptions issued. Evidently, this puts patients at risk of being inaccurately diagnosed and unnecessarily drugged. They fall prey to the trust they learned to have towards health care professionals since early childhood. If something is wrong, Doc knows best how to fix it – or does he?

Where a psychiatrist draws the line between an emotional crisis and mental illness is up to his personal judgment. If you wonder why prescribers don’t simply test their patients for mental illness just to make sure they really need medication, the answer makes the psychiatric discipline appear in a rather unfavorable light. There are no tests. Not medical tests, in any case. No blood tests and no brain scan can reveal mental illness. Psychiatrists have no choice but to take at face value what the patient discloses about their state. In a clinical setting, doctors can also recur to observing patient’s behavior, but even that can be interpreted in many different ways. Apart from that, it is usually nurses or other clinic staff who deal with patients more directly and more often than the prescribing doctor, who therefore works with a lot of second-hand information. Then, there are the psychometric tests. Patients may be presented with a questionnaire, for example. Now, questionnaires are statistical tools, but they are no means of exact measurement. If you have someone do the same test twice, they are likely to give slightly different answers the second time – especially if the list of questions is long and graded answers are possible. Also, what does answering “no” to questions like “Do you enjoy social gatherings?” mean in psychiatric terms? Do you suffer from social anxiety or are you just not a party animal? And finally, what if a patient, out of shame or whichever other motivation, gives inaccurate answers? Again, questionnaires are a fine statistical tool, but they are not equivalent to a medical exam. Yet, this is what psychiatrists base their diagnosis on: personal accounts given by the patient, psychometric tests, observations of clinical staff or significant others. At the end of the day, the psychiatrist has to patch all these puzzle pieces together and try to match the resulting impression to one or the other mental pathology in the ever-changing DSM.

Just for laughs here: I got tested with those famous ink blotch cards by a psychologist when I was in my psychotic break. Her conclusion: I was “too creative”, because apparently my perceptions were not classical enough for her. Where other people would have seen an evil moth, I made out two dancing African ladies. When I remarked that I had a couple of degrees in arts and that it was therefore my job to be creative, she just said: “No, no, even as an artist you still need to be adapted.” In other words, I failed to be crazy in a normal way… Woman, I was immersed in psychosis and all you found wrong with me was my creativity??? No further comment.

So, a significant number of psychiatric diagnoses are given to people who are fundamentally healthy, but who are seeking medical help because they are naturally – and necessarily – struggling to overcome a personal crisis. Few psychiatrists will remind them emotions are our connection with reality, be they positive or negative. Instead, both prescribers and the pharmaceutical industry have a political and economic interest in making you forget that humans need grief, need sadness and need anger. In fact, it is questionable whether the feelings we call negative deserve such a bad reputation. After all, they warn us when things are going wrong, when we need a change, when we are in danger, when we need to take a break from our daily grind. Can it ever be healthy to suppress these signals? Wouldn’t it be better to acknowledge them and discover their source? Is conflict solving not the natural way of reestablishing balance and well-being in our lives? If you choose to numb your instincts with drugs, you may temporarily escape the discomfort of facing your problem, but you will also steer further and further into it without even noticing. What would be healthier: worrying about a difficult curve ahead or blissfully driving off the cliff? Not everything in life is made of pink cotton candy – it was never meant to be.

Then why are people so anxious about being “normal”? Whoever defined what normalcy actually is? Well, just look around you. Mass media bombard us with consumerist utopias 24/7. Wherever you turn, beautiful men and women with impressive careers live in stylish homes, throw hip parties, enjoy perfect health and, most importantly, have found the laundry detergent that makes all this possible. Tragically, the pharmaceutical industry has joined this very profitable ride. Feel imperfect in any way? Feel troubled, fearful or sad sometimes? Or have you simply not learned how to be happy? No problem, help is nigh. We won’t teach you how to resolve those issues, but we have a pill that can make you forget you have them. If your life is a mess, just sweep all that emotional clutter under the carpet and your existence will look as if it were perfect.

Psychiatric medications are made for halting acute, disabling crisis, and nothing less than that. They are not dietary supplements you can just take on a daily basis to supposedly optimize your performance in everyday life. Yet, that is how they are being marketed. In countries like the USA and New Zealand, psychiatric drugs can be advertised on TV, along with cars, shampoos and what have you. Those commercials make it look as if mental illness were as minor a thing as the occasional headache or dandruff. People are made to believe they can just try any psychiatric drug and see if it helps them get along better with their boss or feel less stressed out by the tornado of over-sugared brats who obliterate their homes every day. In fact, many prescriptions nowadays are issued to patients who demand a specific drug they know from an advertisement. Way too often, prescribers comply without much ado. After all, the waiting room is crowded with people and every minute saved on one patient equals money earned on the next one.

Mental illness has become a booming market. No doubt should we be grateful for the many life-improving medications we have at our disposal, including psychiatric drugs. But just where does care end and exploitation begin? How is a consumer to distinguish between information and marketing? What means does one have to confirm the prescriber’s diagnosis unequivocally? Few medical disciplines are as double-faced as psychiatry is at the moment. Try convincing a non-diabetic of injecting themselves with insulin, and try making someone believe their life could be even better if they took psychiatric drugs. While the first is virtually impossible, the latter is easy. It is what happens many times over, every day, all over the planet.

It would be futile to wait for the health industry to change. As long as consumers believe medicine is always altruistic and trustworthy, they will be vulnerable to manipulation. Medicine, and psychiatry, SHOULD have a humanitarian mission rather than being a cutthroat business. But not all health care professionals and pharmaceutical companies want to know about that. However, the situation is not hopeless. You as a consumer and potential target sit at one end of the lever. You can ask questions and have a right to utter your skepticism. If you are unsure whether you need a prescription for psychiatric medication or not, the following actions can help you obtain a clearer vision of things:

  • Go for a second or even third opinion from another doctor.
  • Have a general medical checkup. Nutritional deficiencies, allergies, a damaged liver or thyroid dysfunction may be causing your symptoms. Also, have a neurological exam in order to rule out anomalies in your brain structure.
  • Take a critical look at your lifestyle and habits. Are you getting enough sleep, and if not, why (do you ingest a lot of caffeine, do you have sleep apnea, is your bedroom not dark or quiet enough, etc.)? Are you consuming any recreational drugs (including alcohol)? Are you getting enough movement and fresh air? Do you eat well? Are you regularly exposed to toxic substances?
  • What is going on in your private and professional life? Which stressors can you change or at least shield yourself from?
  • Are you carrying around an old childhood trauma or other painful experiences? These have to be worked on!
  • What is your universe made up of? Is life cold and empty to you? Find things to fill in those existential gaps. I am not necessarily talking religion here. I mean bring something into your life to help you appreciate your existence.
  • If you have a prescription, evaluate if taking the drug is worth the risk. If its negative effects outweigh the damage you are suffering from your perceived problem, refrain from using it.
  • Talk to a psychotherapist or counselor. Maybe your problems can be solved through therapy rather than drugs. If you are a believer, you can also consult with a spiritual guide.
  • Ask close friends, relatives or other people you trust how they perceive you. Their perspective may vary greatly – and in your favor – from your self-perception. Don’t be shy to accept their support and their love. Those are invaluable gifts.
  • Read, read, read. Remember: knowledge is power.

Having gathered enough information, make an educated choice. Whether you wish to try psychiatric medications or whether you prefer doing without them, both of them are valid ways, and for both you deserve respect and support. There is no shame and no guilt about any of the two. All is about building a life you’re able to love. Pick the best help you can find to get there.

The following are links you can learn more from.

Webpages:

MindFreedom is a website defending human rights in the mental health system. On this page, you can find links to various articles on doubtful marketing strategies for psychiatric medications. http://www.mindfreedom.org/kb/psych-drug-corp

Articles:

“Inappropiate Prescribing”: Article for the American Psychological Association (APA) by Brendan L. Smith, in English. http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/06/prescribing.aspx

“The Psychiatric Drug Crisis”: Article for The New Yorker by Gary Greenberg, in English. http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/elements/2013/09/psychiatry-prozac-ssri-mental-health-theory-discredited.html

“Drug Companies Just Say ‘No’ to Psychiatric Drugs”: Article in English for Psychology Today, written by Pulitzer Prize nominee Robert Whitaker. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mad-in-america/201106/drug-companies-just-say-no-psych-drugs

Audiovisuals:

“The Marketing of Madness” is a documentary on the marketing strategies employed by the pharmaceutical industry and the prescription of psychotropic drugs to patients who would not have really needed them. A must watch, available in English language on YouTube. http://youtu.be/IgCpa1RlSdQ

“The DSM – Psychiatry’s Deadliest Scam”, in English language, documents the shortcomings in the edition of the DSM, and how the manual impacts the entire psychiatric discipline, thereby affecting thousands of lives – not always for the better. http://youtu.be/PcuhhJ1BaMk

“How to Read Your Body”, by Dr. Eric Berg, gives simple guidelines on how to assess your overall health, in order to help you and your doctor pinpoint any underlying problems. http://youtu.be/VaUAe-csKjY.

Another video by the same author is “The Ultimate Stress Lowering Technique”. Apart from proposing stress reduction exercises, Dr. Berg also taps into the subject of inaccurate psychiatric diagnoses in stressed individuals. http://youtu.be/lsoYk5rioyw

 

Why Wean off Psychiatric Medication?

If everything is going so well, you might wonder, why am I intending to give up my tablets? For several reasons! A variety of sources claim that using psychiatric medication over long periods of time can have dangerous consequences. Quetiapine, for example, is associated with altered blood sugar levels and diabetes. Damage to the liver is another risk. Tardive dyskinesia and tardive dementia (involuntary movements and dementia occurring after long-term use of psychiatric drugs) are other potentially irreversible side effects. Cognitive impairment and chronic brain impairment (CBI) are not uncommon. The long-term effects of psychotropic substances on the brain are virtually unknown, but they are suspected to be devastating. Apart from that, case studies indicate psychiatric medication can induce manic states and drive people to commit suicide or other violent acts. The very companies who designed the drugs I am using admit they don’t know how exactly their products act within the human organism. Looking at the monetary aspect of taking antipsychotics and antidepressants, it can get very costly! Either insurance rates are insanely high if you declare needing treatment for a chronic psychiatric condition, or you have to pay for your medication out of your own pocket. We are potentially talking expenses of several hundred dollars every single month. Many of you may also find that having to swallow tablets at certain times during the day is tedious and violates your liberty. I, on the contrary, find no reason to complain about that. Being a woman, I have used contraceptive pills for many years, and those need to be taken at the exact same time every day. You can never forget one, even if you are still spaced out from last night’s party – now THAT sucks! In other words, I find things could be much worse. I simply take my antidepressant at whatever time I choose to get up and the antipsychotic at whatever time I decide to go to sleep. I have even forgotten to take the antidepressant a few times – no problem at all, I simply make sure to take it the next day.

This blog is no manifesto against psychiatric medication. Psychotropic substances put the fire out in my case. They brought the acute crisis to a halt and gave me time to pick up the pieces. I am fortunate my organism accepted the current combination of an antipsychotic and an antidepressant well. Yet, I emphasize it is absolutely vital for recovery to find complementary, non-chemical therapeutic measures to extinguish the embers after the big fire is out. Because they might alter your brain forever, I consider psychotropic drugs the very last resource to be employed. In my eyes, they are an emergency switch that should only be thrown when a temporary shutdown of the system is necessary.

While in some cases medication may be useful, most people with prescriptions from their psychiatrist would be better off facing their crisis and managing it with their psyche unaltered. Soliciting the attention of a psychotherapist, counselor or priest, spending time with loving friends or family, regular workouts, healthy nutrition and decluttering an overloaded agenda often prove more healing than pills. It is important to remember that stress is a natural and even necessary condition. All human beings eventually experience crises. They will occur repeatedly in everyone’s life, so it is important we learn to deal with them. Rough patches are part of the natural course of our biographies, same as joyful times are. Instead of suppressing emotional tension chemically, we’d do better learning to get over it and thereby grow stronger. Only when all measures fail and the individual sinks into utter dysfunction and alienation, as I did, should medication be prescribed – temporarily. This is my personal and subjective opinion. I make no claim of being in the right.

Not all psychiatrists would agree with me, yet even within the discipline there is no consensus on when to administer psychotropic drugs to patients, nor on how many, nor for how long. Scientifically unfounded affirmations such as “psychiatric medication has to be taken for life” or “mental illness is incurable” are spooking around under the guise of objective information. However, the entire concept of mental illness is still hypothetical in many aspects. Preoccupied about my future, one day I phoned the psychiatrist who had treated me during my last hospitalization. I asked him whether I needed to take my medication for the rest of my life. He did not hesitate one moment. Much to my relief and surprise, his answer was “No.” He said I could start weaning off by lowering the dose of the antidepressant a bit, and take it from there step by step. The conversation with the doctor happened a while ago. I wasn’t ready then. Today I feel secure enough to have a go at it. I am aware one should never go “cold turkey”, that is, stop taking the medication from one day to the next. After over three years of using those substances, my brain relies on them to be around. Also, reactions to spontaneous or rushed withdrawal have been reported to be just as dangerous and terrifying as some of the unwanted side-effects of psychotropic drugs. I shall write more on the perils of withdrawal in another post.

Withdrawing from psychiatric drugs being such a delicate undertaking, I must remind you again: do NOT use this blog as a manual on how to proceed in your case. If you wish to benefit from my posts, read them attentively, share them with others, or even let my blog inspire you to put together your own action plan. So, if I may use an already overused line: don’t try this at home! Unless, that is, you have researched carefully and designed a strategy for modifications in your treatment that is tailored to your specific needs. I will later describe in detail about how I am planning my withdrawal process and which sources I am using for information.

The “Getting off” – Project

My name is Felicia. I am an artist and writer in my late thirties. The “Getting Off” project is about my gradually weaning off psychiatric drugs. It is intended to become a personal logbook through which I aim to document and to share:

  • Which circumstances made me start taking psychiatric drugs in the first place.
  • For how long I have been taking them and how they have affected me, both positively and negatively.
  • Why I wish to reduce dosage or, if possible, stop taking them altogether in the long run.
  • How I set up my dose reduction plan.
  • The measures I am taking to ensure my safety.
  • My experiences and observations throughout the process of progressive dose reduction.
  • The observations of significant others who actively accompany my progress.
  • Information gathered from external sources.

Creating a blog on this subject will hopefully help both me and you readers. For me, it will motivate me to be more structured and observant throughout the process of withdrawing. Thereby, I will hopefully be able to recognize both progress and setbacks when they occur, thus improving the odds of being successful and remaining healthy. The latter also implies evaluating whether a complete withdrawal is desirable at all. Depending on my reactions, I might have to be content with a dose reduction for now. Withdrawing from psychiatric medication is not an end in itself, and it is certainly not a sport. The main objective must always be general well-being. If that means I need to remain on a reduced dose, so be it.

As for you, you may be taking psychiatric drugs yourself or be close to someone who does, or maybe you just are interested in psychiatry. Possibly, you are trying to wean off your medications or planning to do so, or maybe someone in your family, a friend or a colleague is. In all of these situations, following my “Getting Off” project can be helpful for you.

In addition to my main objectives, I will be publishing articles on different aspects of mental health, or the lack thereof. Titled “Some Words on…”, these will also be vastly based on my personal experience and research, yet as an appendix I am going to list links to websites, articles and audiovisuals dealing with the topic in a more professional and objective way.

At this point, I have to stress though that this blog is NOT a substitute for one-on-one medical advice. I am not a doctor and also am not qualified to diagnose or to treat anyone. Please also keep in mind that every individual case is unique in background and in development, meaning that what works for me might not work for you, and viceversa. You and I might not even be taking the same substances, let alone the same dose. Getting Off is the documentation of my particular path. I am happy to share it and would be delighted to know that it is useful to you as complementary literature and additional support to whatever situation you have in your life.

I am very much looking forward to your company.

Yours sincerely,

Felicia